It Made Me Cry

It’s beautiful.

But at midnight last night I was reading it and couldn’t help but see and feel the brokenness.

Here is the poetry, the beautiful poetry, that moved me.

On a different note, but from the same blog, here is a thought on lent, and food, and the poor. It’s not depressing, it actually just makes me want to learn how to cook lentils.

The Rain

I am blessed to have an umbrella that works, to wear big rainboots that keep the puddles out of your socks, and to have a space heater under my desk to dry my jeans after I come in wet from the rain.

Why Coraline might give me nightmares

Because they have buttons for eyes.

I smell like pool

and I showered twice last night.

That’s why I’m not in the pool every day. If it were a giant body of water that DIDN’T leave me smelling funny for days afterwards, then maybe I wouldn’t mind it so much.

A New Outlook?

As much as that last post showed me smarting from getting kicked in the butt for being so ridiculously off course in terms of my attitude about this wedding stuff, I really did appreciate it. I feel like, for once, I may just have landed on something sturdy.

Life is about two things: Love God, and Love Others.

Thus, every choice I make should reflect what I believe about God, and point others to Him.

This “special” day isn’t about me. No day is about me. Did I cause the sun to rise and the birds to sing? Did I do anything worthy of praise? Only God is good.

I think the purpose of my life has been choked out by wedding culture, and I need to get back to my roots. If I try to glorify myself that day,  it’ll backfire. I have to give it up – all for Jesus – even my wedding day. I gain a great peace from knowing this day is for Him. Other people probably won’t be able to see that, but I know in my heart that I am still a servant of the King, even in my big poofy white dress, and that gives me great peace.

Practical application:

I’m making wise financial choices because I believe everything belongs to God, and we can’t just spend it frivolously.

I’m throwing one heck of a party because God is a lavish giver, and generosity is a character quality of God.

I’m making my decisions based on a fear of God. Sound weird? Well, we all fear something. Whatever you fear, you serve; you bend your will to it, you live according to it.

Fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom. That keeps things in perspective for me. I won’t fear the unknown, I won’t fear spending money, or making mistakes, or fear my family (and their opinions).  Worry doesn’t add a day to your life, and God is a father that knows how to give good gifts to his children.

I need to stop fearing, and start acting like I know the one who has it all under control.

My wedding will reflect something beautiful, something God created. I want to showcase on that day the goodness of God, and his plan for our lives. God is good. And he cares about what happens to us.

If this was actually a day of love, it would be characterized by patience, kindness, forgiveness, and hope. It would be a time to rejoice! I’ll be able to say, “Yay! Look what God has done!”

And amazingly, I realize where I AM the expert.

I’m the expert in what God has done for me.

And I can  show the same generosity that has been shown to me.

(yes, sometimes I need to reiterate everything I already know to remind myself of what I actually believe. And yes, all those links are to the Bible.)

Faith, Food and Community Wedding

Read this.

It almost made me cry as I read how simply she put it, how clear-minded and goal-oriented she was.

We pulled out a few words to keep us anchored and centered during the process. Hospitality was one. I read once that a wedding reception is a bride and bridegroom’s first act of hospitality as a married couple. This drove a lot of the decisions we made: is this idea hospitable? Also, community. We have deep friendships with people all over the country, and we wanted to bring them together in a one-day reunion!

What anchors me? What centers us? All I know is I don’t want to spend too much money.

At the end of the day, that deal you hunted all over for, that savvy-shopper mentality that makes you feel better than all the rich folks that spend frivolously, none of that leaves you very fulfilled. Unfortunately there is no “right” amount to spend. No matter how far I come under budget, I’m not going to be happy because of it. If anything, I’m going to be stressed out trying not to spend money, stressed out when I spend too much money, and smugly prideful whenever I succeed.

What actually matters?

Glorifying God.

Getting married.

The people that you share it with.

The food.

I think that’s about it, isn’t it?

Helvetica – did you know?

I didn’t realize it was quite so prevalent.

and there’s more.

Click here for a probably not exhaustive list.

Progress on the Wedding Front

The Invites:
Are printed, assembled, the map cards and rsvps are printed and cut.  They’re all stuffed in brown envelopes, which I hand-addressed, and in the mail. I saved money on stamps by not mailing the ones I can deliver in person.
Hang-ups: There were approximately 100 paper jams. I wanted to kill the paper-feed tray.  Each invite took 4 little double-sided tape dots, peeled, placed in four corners, and then placed on the coloured back card. (Thanks goes out to the fiance for helping with that.) And the RSVPS had to be printed twice. I spelled “twentieth” “twenthieth” the first time. And I only noticed once I’d cut them all.

Reception changes:
We can only seat 60. “Seat?” You ask, “I thought you were having a strolling brunch?” Well, the fiance and the mom want to sit around a table. Fine. But that puts a limit on our seating. I think our ideal number, where everyone I’d want, everyone the fiance and his family would want, everyone my mother and grandmother would want, would be there, is probably closer to 85 – 100. But we simply can’t afford it.

I feel a bit like a fool, thinking that I could do my wedding for $5000. I read books that said you could do it. But I didn’t realize some factors are very different in my situation. Like the fact that the authors of those books and those blogs either don’t live in a big city, or even in Canada. We all know your buck goes farther down in the States.

If we want to feed our 60 guests (ten more people than initially planned) it will cost about one and a half times as much as I originally thought it would.

Yes, our budget is shot. *sigh* I guess that’s one good thing about your parents paying for the wedding – when they inflate the guest list, and request a sit-down meal, they’re willing to pay for it.

I just hope there will be enough food.

Oh, and there’s only two “passed” items now. We’re sticking with the brunch. Walk in and get an apple cider shooter with mini cinnamon donut on top (it sounds complicated, but it really is a double-shot glass with hot apple cider in it). No welcome cocktail, no alcohol, unless you pay for it. Not even a toast. Then we have a breakfast “station” with mini croissants, mini muffins, mini scones, jam & butter, coffee and tea, “spa water” (they put sliced up fruit in the water – apparently the presentation is beautiful).

Then there are passed breakfast items – what I’m excited about – the french toast & mini pancakes.

Then we sit down for some salad, followed by chicken or salmon (which I’m not keen on but it pleases others) and then for desert, wedding cupcakes.

It doesn’t sound like a lot, does it?

High on Silver Ink

My wedding invitations are going out in brown envelopes.

Yay staples.

Also yay for Silver ink pens, which I’ve never had a good enough excuse to buy before.

They smell funny. But yum.

I’m addressing envelopes. WEE!

Post-Secret & Me

Post-Secrets aren’t rated G. But they are honest, and open, not unlike my blog. I wanted to share my thoughts on a few of the ones from last Sunday… sometimes when I read PostSecrets, I think the world is a horrible place, and sometimes, I feel less alone.

The following are rated PG-13.

2/08/2009

Sunday Secrets (& Christine’s Response to them)

You pride is getting in the way of you being a good mother.

How long did it take you to punch that out on a label-maker?

When I read this I wondered how it was something you could forget for 53 years.

:) That’s a nice thing to do. I’ve written anonymous encouraging notes before. Mostly because people think weirdly of you when you say nice things and you have no relationship with them. “Oh hi, I took your Physical Geography course in first year (it was a class of 500) and I still think about how awesome a professor you were. I’m in fourth year English now. Knowing how clouds are formed has brought me so much joy. Thank you for teaching me.”

And that, sir, makes you exceptionally wonderful.

Wow.I understand what you’re saying, it’s not like some of these thoughts have never crossed my mind, but I do think you’re going to have serious issues in your upcoming marriage (and in life) if you’re this selfish. Not to mention the fact that children are people, too, just really young, small ones, and not being able to relate to them makes me think you’re socially maladjusted. Like a racist, or a sexist.

:) Yay. Art. Therapy.

You never know what you’ll do until you’re in the situation. Don’t fear for the future. Celebrate the time you have with him now, in all his able-bodiedness.

Haha. Fuzzy chicken sticker.

I found this card really beautiful and painful.

Bullies are bullied. They know what’s wrong with you, because they’ve know wrong with them.

Hahahahahhaha.

I should probably read this book. It kinda freaks me out though. The kid is very large or that planet is very small. This also makes me really curious about UC Berkeley. I want to visit and sit in on a class. I also wonder what their major was.