The Fantasy of Being Rescued

This article makes me think.

Certainly I struggle with the fantasy of being rescued. Not from my financial situation, per se, but from other weak areas of my life. A certain part of me believes that one day, I will (magically?) change and everything I wish I were will be true; I’ll be harder working, less easily discouraged, selfless, happier, in need of less sleep, thick-skinned, etc.

“The fantasy of being rescued,” according to this article, is based on the fear that we won’t be able to succeed on our own, and that we will need an outside influence to “save the day.” The problem is when the “prince charming”  back-up plan is about as sturdy as sand, and actually undermines the confidence we need to go to task on our present situation.

This fear does seem to be based in a lack of trust. For the author of the article, it’s a lack of trust in oneself. One of the factors being that that self is a woman, and women don’t have a history of being successful financially.

I don’t relate in the same way, because my default is to trust God to provide for me. At first glance this would seem like a “rescue fantasy,” except that my faith is in something tried and true. God has provided for me financially, he has “saved me” as literally physically as He has spiritually. There is no “fantasy” in relying on God to provide for you.

Yet, this article got under my skin and I found myself reading it over quite a few times because I felt like it had something to say to me and where I’m at with my faith.

You see, God can save me, and has, and will, but not if I act like I don’t want it. Sure, in my head, I want it. But what fruit is there of that? My life isn’t this pre-written play that I can sit back and watch myself act out, where one day I’ll be good and reformed and stronger than ever. It’s a day-by-day choice, on my end, to decide to follow, believe, and trust. And act like it.

I have a rescue fantasy with God. I think he’s going to do the work and that I can just rest in my sin until one day I wake up changed. I don’t want to do the work of following. I don’t want to do the work of transforming my mind. I don’t think I really know what it means to repent.

The article ends with this:

“When we become conscious of our rescue fantasies, we can finally let them go—and discover the power to rescue ourselves.”

Yes, and no. I recognize that the real rescuing was done by Christ on the cross. I am no longer a slave to my sin, but I am often found immobilized, and not tapped into the power to change, the power to choose.

I think that’s the issue with me. It’s that I fear I don’t have the power to choose to follow Jesus. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So in many ways, I don’t have the power, but I do, if I just recognize who is with me always, who has already overcome the world. Yes, in this life we will have struggles, but I must have hope in Christ, who is already the victor.

pom pom wreath

indie style

uses lotsa yarn. by no means a cheap as free craft project. but the end result IS pretty.

Get Outside Shoes

My winter boots are get outside shoes.
They help me get outside when it’s snowy or cold.

My rain boots are get outside shoes
They get me outside when it’s rainy – I can walk through puddles with them.

I have to get outside every day. Life is better when my shoes are comfortable. To carry me to and from everywhere I have to be and want to go.

I’ve had SAD in years past… but this year seems a bit different. It’s December tomorrow and I haven’t had noticeable effects of the decreasing sunlight. I’ve fought off some odd cold symptoms that amounted to nothing, and sure, it’s hard to get up for work in the morning (it’s always hard though, I’m pretty sure I’m a night-owl and not a morning person and that’s never going to change). But in general, I’ve enjoyed being outside, walking to and from work. It brightens my spirits, even if it’s now definitely past sunset when I leave.

When they talk about things that keep the blues away, being outside is one of them. Even if it’s snowy and rainy out, go outside. It’s depressing inside.

Get yo’self some shoes that you can’t wait to wear in the rain and the snow. It might help.

And it’s cheaper than therapy, at least ;)

Christmas

How should we decorate?

We can’t get a real tree. We don’t want a real tree. That’s a lot of decorations.

But we need to celebrate Christmas – our first Christmas – at home somehow.

Couldn’t sleep

Last night, after eating a late dinner at the mall with my husbund, I decided I was thirsty and wanted Starbucks.

Do not drink caffeinated beverages when you’re thirsty.

Iced coffees, with milk, are a delicious, thirst-quenching beverage. What with the ice, and you can drink it quickly.

But this was at 8 pm.

That’s fine, I had another hours worth of walking around shopping to do. Which was done. Then we took the bus home and I spent the next 45 minutes in the grocery store buying only as much as I could carry, shopping for tonight’s dinner. I couldn’t believe it was past 10 when I left there.

I set to work on the ever challenging task of
1) peeling and dicing a butternut squash
2) peeling five potatoes and dicing them
3) peeling about 1 lb. of carrots and cutting them into 1 inch chunks.

I think it was close to midnight when I finally went to bed.

Or was it 1 am?

Well, it was 2 am when I got up, and began watching the rest of a movie I had started watching the other day. I couldn’t sleep, and figured a movie would tire me. Funny story – I put the earplugs in and then put them in a jack at the back of the computer (without looking which jack). I heard sound, so I sat there, with the movie playing. Soon, the husbund was asking, “What the heck? Why you sneak out of bed and play loud music…” apparently the sound was up pretty loud and the earphones were not where the sound was coming from. I remedied this, apologized through many laughs, and finished the rest of the movie.

I don’t know what time I went to bed. I didn’t sleep after finishing the movie, even though I watched about 20 minutes of another one (Apaloosa looks good). I tossed and turned and couldn’t get comfortable.

Dang Starbucks coffee.

But I was happy as could be. Not sad about how tired I’d be at work the next morning. Not frustrated and angry that I couldn’t sleep. Just kinda blissful. Praying a lot. Wide freakin’ awake.

I think I probably fell asleep around 4 am. 8 Hours worth of awakeness thanks to the dear sweet tall iced coffee (although I have my suspicions it might have been a grande and he just forgot to leave the lots of room for milk that the guy at cash specified).

Je me souviens

“It means nothing in English.”

“I thought it meant, ‘I remember,’”

It does. Technically. Straight translation.

He went on to explain to me that in Quebec, “I remember” was an unfinished sentence, and that to different people it was finished in different ways. To the French, they would remember the oppression of the English, to the Natives, the oppression of the White Man. For some it will be the memories of the good old days, with Champlain. Struggles and war and peace and prosperity are in the history of Quebec. And everyone seems to remember something different.

So it’s not that ‘Je me souviens’ means nothing in English, it’s just that it means everything in French.

Everyone needs a gun

…during the zombie apocalypse.

100 zombies can cause a lot of havoc when your civilians aren’t armed and apparently can’t run fast enough to get away from these things.

(Click to see larger image)

Note the green character who is coughing green...he soon turns red. Five minutes in and the zombies have gone from 100 to over a thousand.

Here we see how the zombies chase their prey. Well, they just chase anything that's green (alive).

There are now more zombies than humans. Who will win this epic battle?

Note the map in the lower left corner. THERE IS NOWHERE TO HIDE.

Try your own zombie simulation (ZOMBULATION?) here.

It’s fun to try out different numbers… thousands of zombies, lots of civilian guns and high shooting  accuracy. The key, though, does seem to be in giving the humans guns, and accuracy.

Thank goodness it’s not the zombie-pocalypse and we don’t all need guns eh?

I searched for “French”

Fleur de lys

To me this looks like a koi. But they called it a fleur de lys. Click to zoom in close and image how grand this “estate” would look. It’s fun to dream about places like this.

Bonzherr allo!

Je ne par le fransay.