Things Christians should be afraid of

Rachel Held Evan’s latest post. Scroll down to see my alternative list.

 Despite what some may say, these twenty-five things really shouldn’t scare Christians: 

1. Someone leaving the phrase “under God” out of the pledge of allegiance before a golf game
2. Sharing civil rights with gays and lesbians
3. Scientists
4. Target employees that say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas”
5. Mosques
6. The media
7. Missing God’s will and accidentally going to the wrong college
8. Theological differences
9. Suddenly getting asked to explain the religious symbolism in “Tree of Life”
10. Mormon presidential candidates
11. Yoga
12. Conflicting interpretations of Scripture
13. Bringing the worst maccaroni and cheese casserole to the church potluck (I’ve lived through this, believe it or not.)
14. Getting left behind
15. Not being “relevant”
16. Women with opinions
17. Nice atheists
18. Sharing the gospel
19. Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Tea Partiers, Communists, Anarchists
20. Anabaptists
21. Statues of the Virgin Mary
22. Separation of church and state
23. The gay “agenda”
24. The removal of plastic, light-up manger scenes from courthouse lawns
25. Being a religious minority in the U.S….(especially when we’re not)

An alternative list:

1. Someone leaving the phrase “under God” on the front door of your basement apartment.
2. Giving civil rights to manta rays and thespians
3. Scions
4. Target employees
5. Mosquitos
6. The meat in convenience store burritos
7. Missing your bus and accidentally going to George Brown college
8. Grape seeds
9.  “The Tree of Life”
10. Mormons
11. Yogurt
12. Conflicting interpretative dance
13. Uncooked chicken
14. Reading Left Behind
15. Not being “cogent”
16. Women with onions
17. Nice bee-keepers
18. Sharing lice
19. Cats, Public washrooms, Libraries, Tea, Russians, hipsters
20. Bathrooms
21. Statues of Madonna (the singer)
22. Separation of you from your belongings
23. Gay “dayplanners”
24. The removal of plastic, light-up manger scenes when you need a place to hide from the robbers who figured out you’re “Home Alone.”
25. Being a bubbly sorority sister ….(especially when you’re not)

(all of this is a joke… I have nothing against Mormons, cats, or dayplanners produced/designed by homosexuals)

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