The only way to live in relationship, is to forgive. Because people are people. They will hurt you, because they’re messed up.

So when my mother insults my choice of brunch reception,  suggesting we’ll be sitting around with “bananas on sticks” and eating peanut-butter sandwiches (get it right, mother: banana pancakes with chocolate sauce and grilled cheese sandwiches – I opted out of PB&J), then tells me that I’m “cutting corners” (really? not wanting boutonnieres and a limo is cutting corners?) and that she fears we are going to “look cheap” and  “refuses to be humiliated” at my wedding …

I have to remember, that despite what she says, and what I feel as her daughter, my life isn’t actually about gaining her approval. Thank God, because it’ll never come.

No, my life is about seeking God, and understanding his love for me. A love that requires no qualifications, that requires no perfection. I nee to learn what God’s love looks like, what it means to be loved by God, and I think then, and only then, will I be able to love others the way Christ loves me.

So this is my prayer: that my love may overflow more and more in knowledge and understanding. So that I may learn to sense what is vital, and approve and prize what is of real value. So that I may live a pure and blameless life; because when it’s all said and done, I will see Jesus. And I pray that there may be evidence of my right standing with God, fruit of the Holy Spirit only possible by being in Christ. And all this not for my own glory, but in everything I do, to the glory and praise of God.

Booyakasha. Amen.

I like that it requires knowledge and understanding for your love to overflow. Or maybe it means that as we love we understand more?

The hatred in my heart is like a sliver of wood, approximately the size of a wood chip you’d find on playgrounds, that my body is rejecting and trying to remove in the itchy, somewhat painful healing process.


4 Comments Add yours

  1. beth maher says:

    I think I told you something like this a little while ago, but I left out the god part. Which is really, the important part. Good to see you’ve found your own way of coming to some peace with your family.

    Also: “Booyakasha. Amen.” Should become standard in all prayers henceforth.

  2. Jena says:

    Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like wedding planning intensifies all those feelings too. I guess it’s a day fraught with emotion… but anyway, just wanted to say that I totally hear you on this and thanks for the post.

  3. Candice says:

    I also want to add a “Booyakasha. Amen.” to that.

    I think your brunch sounds delicious.

  4. frasert says:

    Christine-y… don’t let the man (or woman in this case) get ya down! I was just doing my weekly blog check to see what’s going on in life. I know this is only partially helpful but… a) it’s your wedding and b) grilled cheese and banana pancakes are amazing (on their own… likely should not be combined into one thing, however, but that’s a whole other story). Your wedding will be wonderful… and God will be proud of you and Will, not for the meal you’re serving or the car you’re riding in but because you are choosing to honour and obey Him with your lives!

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