Full article here.
…a lack of awareness, dismissive or denying behaviours suggest a lack of empathy. An apology lacking in awareness sounds like this: “I’m sorry that you feel that way?” Or an explanation for one’s behaviour is substituted for an apology, or no apology is forthcoming.
The hallmark of a genuine apology is the sincere effort to recognize another’s pain and the resulting effort to alleviate it.
I just finished reading that book I was telling you about… It Came from Within…
and it’s gold. GOLD.
I think it gave me the best advice I’ve ever heard on forgiveness. I’ll try and quote it more precisely later but basically, your feelings don’t have to match up with your forgiveness. When remembering (because we can’t forget) brings up emotions, don’t try to shut ’em up, but do remind yourself that the issue is forgiven.
Another gold wisdom nugget: Anger has to do with feeling like someone OWES us. It’s not just about what someone DID but about what you feel they TOOK from you (you owe me kindness, you owe me friendship, you owe me respect, etc.). Once you figure out what you wanted (and recognize that most of the time, you can never be repaid), you can cancel the debt.
“You don’t owe me, you don’t owe me, you don’t owe me anymore: From one forgiven soul to another, you don’t owe me.”
I’m still hurt, sometimes, when I remember the things I need to offer forgiveness for. But forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. :)