Very interesting blog … interview with a pastor of a mega-church who had an affair.
Makes me wonder what lies I believe – that I am unaware of – that affect my behaviour. When this pastor had the affair, he was suffering from a deep depression that he didn’t realize at the time he had. Now, he was also using alcohol as a numbing device, and was worn out from his job, so he had some idea that he was under pressure, and breaking down under it, but still, the subtlety of depression, how he could underestimate its affects on him, surprised and scared me.
Do I believe a lie that I’m ok, that I can handle things perhaps I can’t?
One of the lies he said he believed was that he would never “cross the line”. For him, it was with a woman other than his wife. I suppose the lie there is the belief that you just aren’t capable of that kind of sin, whatever that is. This guy did was undermined in part by his lack of awareness of his weakness, of his vulnerable state.
Because of my compromised spiritual condition (which was actually the result of many micro -compromises), and because of my willingness to ‘buy the lie’ that I ‘never would go THAT far’ or that if I ‘did’, I would never be discovered, AND because of fatigue, depression and alcohol…I never thought through the depth of the consequences.
“Compromised spiritual condition” due to many “micro-compromises.” Huh. Sounds like Solomon (from wisest and richest and most powerful man ever to 700 wives/concubines/compromises later, a ruined man and broken kingdom).
Micro-compromises. So often I wonder about those. I find them common these days. Things I wouldn’t even call sins… things that are just… small things. A pride that seems to have snuck up on me with age is the a belief that I “deserve” to be able to do more, that morality has changed as I’ve matured. Take swearing and stealing, for example. As a kid, I knew those were wrong. But as an adult, everyone downloads movies, and the occasional hilarious motha-f’er – how is that a “SIN”?
It’s no big deal that I haven’t tithed for the last few few months because it keeps slipping my mind, but it’s just tithe, I’ll catch up later. And it’s legalistic to call “not reading your Bible” a sin, but not reading it, consistently not reading it, over time, is a compromise that compromises me spiritually.
Those are my personal examples, not meant to be judgmental. Those are the things that, if I’m honest with myself, I’m convicted of. What are your mini-compromises?
Mini-compromises. Not even sins (?). But they pile up. And they end up compromising our spirituality. How terrifying to think I could be on a slippery slope… unawares, and having no idea where it drops off to.